equity and concessions

Back to the prompts: 
"Describe a moment in your classroom that filled you either with hope or despair when thinking about issues of equity"

Well, I have this big burning question that relates pretty solidly to equity.  "Am I helping my students when I make concessions, chase students down for work, give extensions, and sometimes even hand-hold through the work process?"  The truth is that when it comes down to it, I do these things for my special ed. students (which is fine, appropriate, and even mandated) and then I also do it for my lower-achieving students who are almost all students of color (as are most of my special ed. students...).  So here is the equity question.  Now I'll lead you through the "moment" and my pondering.

I have this student T.  I love T.  Let me just say that first off.  T is the only African-American male in my 2nd period English class (There are only 8 male students in total).  He is one of the oddest, most spaced out kids I have ever met.  He has a very bizarre sense of humor and is one of the most even tempered teenagers I have ever met.  Essentially, he is a checked-out Buddha.  He is clearly brilliant, but not a very successful student.  So, I started going after him.  I want your work.  I want your work.  I want your work.  And, much like with D and J (my two African-American seniors that I harassed out of flunking Fall semester) it started to work.  T is most definitely not the only kid in my class I am doing this with.  Several other students have benefitted from my chasing them down and haranguing them for work.  But with T, I took it to a new level.  Let me also add here that T is a student who I really believe needs an IEP or at the very least a 504 plan.  His checked out stuff is for real and he has a very very hard time concentrating or remembering what is said in class even when he appears to be listening.  So, here is the new level.  When his rough draft persuasive letter was 4 days late (it was the second Final Draft typing day for the class) I sat him down next to my desk, and refused to let him leave until he wrote it.  I literally coached each successive paragraph out of him.  It was like pulling teeth and I definitely neglected my other students in the process.  Then I stayed for lunch the next day (so not convenient for me and not my normal day to stay for lunch) because he had promised to come in to type his final draft (he doesn't have computer access at home and I was afraid that if his only option was the library, he just wouldn't do it.)  So, he stood me up, which made me cranky.  I left him a note that said Ms. Erby will let you type it in her room, but he never came down to see it.  So when he strolled into class on Friday, I took the note off the door where I had left it and handed it to him.  He was super apologetic, "Ms. Acton, I forgot.  Can I do it today?"  Well, Friday is my normal day to stay for lunch for quiz makeups, etc... so I said yes.  He then taped the note I left him the day before to his shirt and wore it for the rest of class. Completely cracked me up, of course. So, lunch came around and he showed up!  Wow!  He typed up his letter and emailed it to me. As he was beginning, I rifled through his folder and found another assignment for class he had completed (perfectly) and never turned in.  T!  This was worth 10 points!  He smiled sheepishly at me, and said "oh."  good grief!

So here are my thoughts about equity and the situation with T.  Am I helping or hurting?  I mean, obviously in some ways I'm helping. T will get a better grade now, but he's also pretty dependent on me for the trend to continue.  If I stop giving him extra time and help, he will most likely stop doing well in my class.  With another student I've been giving extra attention to, K, it's not like that, I chased her down, showed her that I cared and valued her and she started doing work, I have to remind her for sure, but not hold her hand.  Is hand-holding good?  It's clearly not a solution because I can't help T. in every class for the next 4 years.  So, what should I do?  I hate to see a kid flounder and that's exactly what T. was doing before I intervened.  What should I do now?  Am I being paternalistic in offering this type of assistance to students of color?  I wouldn't consider offering it to most of the white students in my class, but then that's also because none of the white students in my class are in T's (or even K's) boat.  Am I evening the playing field?  Do the short-term effects outweigh the fact that I am not achieving long-range self-reliance for T?  Oh my brain is starting to hurt.  Enough of this for now.